Van - Akşam Yemeği

I suggest you begin reading with "Van - Gün 1" below.
You should follow that up with "Van - Gün 2."
This post is the second half of gün 2.

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The woman with a degree in Milk & Milk Products picked us up from our hotel, and drove us over to the dentist's home. Since the Doctor wouldn't be with us to translate, they had brought along a woman who could speak English and Turkish very well.

Fazilet had been married to her husband at the age of 19. She had two boys and an 11 year old girl. Her husband did his Post-Doctoral work at a university in India. She taught herself English by starting with a grammar book, and then reading novels. Her favorites were medical dramas, and she'd always laugh at herself when she talked about this, or her favorite TV shows (Friends and ER).

When in the presence of men, she wore a black covering over her clothing, a black headscarf, and a black veil to cover her mouth/chin/neck. When we asked, she explained that she had chosen to wear this, and that her husband was okay with it, so she was allowed.

This was a very intelligent woman who had scored quite well on her university entrance exam. However, she was docked many points for graduating from a religious high school (Imam Hatip). Considering her choice in religious apparel, she would never be allowed to attend a Turkish University anyways. She would joke about convincing her husband to move to another country so she can get a degree (in English literature) wearing what she likes.

Basically, Fazilet was a delightful, intelligent woman who could understand our sarcastic, Western humor. Living in India gave her a better understanding of the world, and it showed especially when compared to the words of the other women.

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We arrived at the dentist's home, and were greeted by many women and the hostess's two daughters- an 11 year old and a 5 year old. We were told that the younger, Esra, "is special because her mother had trouble conceiving, so she had a baby from a test tube."

We took off our shoes and put on house shoes, and were lead to the dinner table. The apartment was huge and very nice. Wood furniture, Arabic decorations, a large kitchen. Interestingly, we ate dinner with Fazilet (acting as translator) and two other women while the hostess and the rest of the women ate in the kitchen.

The food was delicious- red soup with thin noodle/rice like things in it. Good bread rolls. I could taste the grape-y-ness of the sarma (stuffed grape leaves). Hot ayran soup with "grasses" in it (so tasty). Bite-sized lamb with pilav (rice). A diluted ayran, cucumber, and garlic soup served cold. A finale of two pieces of baklava.

Religion
After dinner, Sharon, Lisa, and I sat in the parlor with the rest of the women and we began discussing religion. Lisa's atheism and my lack of belief in organized religon sort of threw the women off, so they preferred to talk to Sharon, our religious studies major and a Catholic. Every moral and lesson from the Qur'an that they told us could be found in the Bible (and most religious texts, I assume), so we quickly grew tired of the discussion.

I'm not sure they understood how similar Judaism, Christianity, and Islam are.

Then, the women described some conspiracy theory about 5,000 Jews leaving the Twin Towers before they were attacked. Sharon's response was, "Well, I guess they really are the chosen people." I think that ended the religious discussion. We're Americans. We're stubborn. We're not going to jump ships just because you think it's best.

Headscarves
One of the most vocal women began telling us how wearing the headscarf would help preserve the family, because it would prevent men from lusting (although, I'm of the opinion that it makes men lust more. I mean, when the sight of a woman's wrist turns you on, something's wrong). When we commented that women could be lustful of men, she just said that men were more lustful. I don't think we ever brought up the man-man or woman-woman lustfulness. I'm not sure of Islam's stance on homosexuality.

Personally, I think if all of us wore sheets over our head it would solve all our sexuality/infidelity problems. *sigh*

Little Girls
Meanwhile, I conversed with the two 11 year old girls next to me. Their English was a little better than my Turkish, so we could communicate somewhat adequately. I asked Fazilet's daughter if she planned on wearing a headscarf when she was older. She told me, "Maybe, but not black." I agreed- the colorful scarves were much prettier than the all black.

Then she asked me if I believed in Santa Claus. Since she was at the ripe old age of 11, I decided it was safe to tell her I did not. She said she liked the idea of presents. She had heard of the tooth fairy in India, but when I explained the Easter Bunny, she thought it was pretty ridiculous.

A set of nested tables were taken out, and glasses of çay were brought out for everyone. Plates of fruit with a banana, orange, clementine, and apple soon followed. I spent the rest of the evening determining the Turkish words for the fruit and the bowl of mixed nuts given to me.

Divorce Rate
They brought up the fact that America has a 50% divorce rate and interpreted that as meaning that our country was full of unhappy families. They followed that argument with how divorce is bad, since the children turn to drugs and alcohol to cure their divorce-induced depression. So, while Turkey has a low divorce rate there's a larger number of women being physically and verbally abused- not our idea of a happy family. It was difficult to explain that a low divorce rate doesn't mean your families are happier.

I think this was the first time my opinion was accepted as equivalent to an adult's. It only took 20.3 years.

Drugs in the Suburbs
Meanwhile, the Turkish women discussed the problem of drugs in the American suburbs. Apparently, this one woman believed the American movies and that the suburbs were just riddled with alcohol and drugs. Having grown up in suburbia, I'm pretty sure that's not entirely true. It was interesting that she believed the movies, though.

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What left the greatest impression on me was these women's complete naivety. But if ten college-educated Turkish women can hold beliefs I think are totally ridiculous, then I must have an equal number of absurd ideas. Easter Bunny, anyone?